Well done for sure! Maybe pushing the melody a bit, as you suggested - but I think you're rrrriiiigght there with it!
As if I have any room to talk, so take this will a whole spoonful of salt ... but maybe back off the melody just a hair - use color rather than volume to bring it out - and sweeten it up a bit and I think you'll be really really happy! One other quick thought - there are a couple of spots where a slur might be more pleasing than striking the note - it might provide a little more legato feel.
Still, it IS named "The Thief's Song" - or something like that - so who's to say that your playing the melody "hard" (I think you said) isn't more in line with the intended feel of the piece??
Anyway - I really enjoyed listening for sure! Thanks for jumping in with this one!