Michael, I think I know a little bit about what you are going through. Not much for sure, we each handle these tragedies in our own way. I've suffered similar losses, and at times they seemed devastating. And yet, we go on. It is the nature of life, I suppose. I lost my dear wife of 40 years to Alzheimer's in 2015. I was not there when she passed, I was notified by phone. I could not stand, I fell to the floor and wept like a child. But I kept on breathing, I kept on living, and over time the profound grief turned to acceptance. And I have since remarried. Not a day goes by when I do not look up at the sky, and whisper "I love you Judy. I miss you." But now the tears have turned to soft smiles.
Thank you for sharing your journey. It is a tough one, but one we can all learn from, and realize the sometimes capricious nature of life.