joke of the day

Talk about things that are not necessarily related to music or the guitar.
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Isabelle Frizac
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Isabelle Frizac » Sun Mar 24, 2019 7:52 pm

The economics teacher

This is the story of an economics teacher in an English university who had the annoying tendency to always tell dirty jokes and make wild insinuations.

Tired of being always targeted, a group of students decided that at the slightest hint of sexual tenderness, they would get up and leave the amphitheater in protest. Nevertheless, a boy having heard the girls draw their plan and wanting to fayote told the teacher everything.

In the following course, which spoke of the French economy, the professor judiciously put this sentence: "You know that despite a high unemployment rate, France still needs manpower ... We know, for example, that there is has a shortage of prostitutes in Paris ... "

At these words, the girls who decided the rebellion looked at each other, nodded and all got up at the same time to leave the room ... And the professor, observing them with an innocent air told them very well:
- Come on ladies, no need to hurry! The next plane for Paris does not take off until tonight ...

:wink:
keep hope !
Bastien Burlot 2014" special anniversary" n°1, Pappalardo 1982, Antonio Ruiz Lopez 1974, and other instruments ...;-)

VasquezBob
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Re: joke of the day

Post by VasquezBob » Sun Mar 24, 2019 9:27 pm

First mate runs to the captain and says, "we have 4 stow aways". The captain says, "How do you know it's four?" The first mate responds, "Because they're singing Sweet Adeline."

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Isabelle Frizac
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Isabelle Frizac » Wed Mar 27, 2019 7:50 am

An urgent desire

Two completely drunk female friends go home walking. Since they drank a lot, they are very eager to urinate. They pass a cemetery and one suggests that they could relieve themselves behind a tombstone.

The first who has nothing to wipe decides to leave her panties, use it for this purpose and then throw it.
Her friend who does not want to spoil her luxury underwear finds herself lucky to find a ribbon on a crown from the next grave and uses it to wipe herself off.

Then they go home.

The next day, the husband of the first phone to the husband of the second:
- We'll have to watch our women, mine came home without panties last night.
- It's nothing, said the other, mine came back with a card stuck between the buttocks saying:
"From all the guys in the fire brigade, we'll never forget you".

:wink:
keep hope !
Bastien Burlot 2014" special anniversary" n°1, Pappalardo 1982, Antonio Ruiz Lopez 1974, and other instruments ...;-)

Grestyman
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Grestyman » Thu Mar 28, 2019 11:09 pm

I just had to take the dog I bought from the blacksmith back to his smithy. Wretched dog kept making a bolt for the door.

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Erik Zurcher
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Erik Zurcher » Tue Apr 02, 2019 9:28 pm

Dull, Scotland.
Dull_Boring.jpg
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Reedition Domingo Esteso by Conde Hermanos 2004; Kenny Hill, model Barcelona 2001
"While you try to master classical guitar, prepare for a slave's life: the guitar will forever be your master and you its slave".

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Erik Zurcher
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Erik Zurcher » Tue Apr 02, 2019 9:30 pm

dentist.jpg
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Reedition Domingo Esteso by Conde Hermanos 2004; Kenny Hill, model Barcelona 2001
"While you try to master classical guitar, prepare for a slave's life: the guitar will forever be your master and you its slave".

Gorn
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Gorn » Wed Apr 03, 2019 12:10 pm

I put my right shoulder out of joint a few days ago and now have my right arm fixed in a sling. This is why I remembered this old joke, which I try to translate from German + Bavarian dialect to English language (typing with my left hand only):

A one-armed man rings the doorbell of a well-to-do elderly lady. She opens the door and he says:
"Madam, you ordered the piano movers?"
"Yes, but errr, um, I estimate, this might not work properly"
"Why not?"
"Good man, I cannot avoid to to notice that you have only one arm."
"So what... or do you have two pianos?!"

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chuckinphoenix
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Re: joke of the day

Post by chuckinphoenix » Wed Apr 03, 2019 2:27 pm

My girlfriend broke up with me so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back.....
If you ain't the lead dog the scenery never changes.

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Vito Simplicio
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Vito Simplicio » Wed Apr 03, 2019 5:43 pm

Erik Zurcher wrote:
Tue Apr 02, 2019 9:28 pm
Dull, Scotland.
Dull_Boring.jpg
Dull and Boring, sister cities. A relationship made in heaven. :lol:
( vitO )===:::

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Erik Zurcher
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Erik Zurcher » Wed Apr 03, 2019 9:31 pm

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Reedition Domingo Esteso by Conde Hermanos 2004; Kenny Hill, model Barcelona 2001
"While you try to master classical guitar, prepare for a slave's life: the guitar will forever be your master and you its slave".

quavers
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Re: joke of the day

Post by quavers » Fri Apr 12, 2019 12:18 am

Because cheap trills are no longer enough.

Gruupi
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Gruupi » Thu Apr 25, 2019 12:10 am

Sitting at work working on an important email.
Girl comes in and starts talking to the other girl I share and office with.
I look up and they both glaring at me.

"What?" I say.
"We asked you a question"
"Sorry, I wasn't listening"
"Typical of men, not listening".
"Well, typical of women talking while men are typing".
"Men talk when women are typing too ".
Me "And that's the way it should be"
That's when the fight began.

True story except for the fight part :)

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Isabelle Frizac
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Isabelle Frizac » Thu Apr 25, 2019 6:15 pm

Who should be chief?

When the human body was created, all parties wanted to be a leader.

The brain said: "Since I command everything and think for everyone, I should be the leader."

The feet said, "Since we carry the body where it wants it and so we can do what the brain thinks we should be chief."

The hands said, "Since we do all the work and earn money to maintain the whole body, we should be chief."

And so on for the heart, the eyes, the ears and the lungs. Finally, the a**hole was heard and asked to be chosen as a chef. The other parts of the body burst out laughing at the idea that an *** could be chief.

The *** got angry and refused to work.

Soon the brain became feverish, the eyes glazed, the feet were too weak to walk, the hands hung limply, and the heart and lungs struggled to survive.

So all begged the brain to let it bend and allow the *** to be a leader.

So was done.

All the other parts of the body were doing the work, while the *** was leading everybody and dealing mainly with ****, like any leader worthy of the title.

MORALITY:

There is no need to be a brain to become a leader; an *** is much more likely. Look around you and you will be convinced.

:bye:
keep hope !
Bastien Burlot 2014" special anniversary" n°1, Pappalardo 1982, Antonio Ruiz Lopez 1974, and other instruments ...;-)

simonm
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Re: joke of the day

Post by simonm » Tue May 14, 2019 8:08 pm

A woman goes to the doctor:

Lady: Doctor, I can't seem to stop singing "The green, green grass of home."

Doctor: Looks like you've got Tom Jones syndrome."

Lady: Is it a common disease?

Doctor: It's not unusual.

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Vito Simplicio
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Vito Simplicio » Sat Jun 08, 2019 8:37 pm

If you didn't get the joke, sing the last three words: "It's not unusual ...."
( vitO )===:::

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