joke of the day

Talk about things that are not necessarily related to music or the guitar.
User avatar
bear
Posts: 4113
Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:55 pm
Location: Massachusetts

Re: joke of the day

Post by bear » Mon Mar 04, 2019 7:10 pm

Grandma writes:

God bless you all. I just had to write to you about the wonderful experience I had the other day. I went up to local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach."

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing ... why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again. I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
2013 Jeff Medlin '37 Hauser 640mm sp
2006 Michele Della Giustina Concert 10 string 650mm ce
2005 Jose Ramirez 4E 650mm ce
2005 Manuel Rodriguez Model C3F 650mm sp
2003 Manuel Rodriguez Model D 650mm ce

User avatar
Isabelle Frizac
Teacher
Posts: 1014
Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2012 7:28 am
Location: France ( région parisienne)

Re: joke of the day

Post by Isabelle Frizac » Sun Mar 24, 2019 7:52 pm

The economics teacher

This is the story of an economics teacher in an English university who had the annoying tendency to always tell dirty jokes and make wild insinuations.

Tired of being always targeted, a group of students decided that at the slightest hint of sexual tenderness, they would get up and leave the amphitheater in protest. Nevertheless, a boy having heard the girls draw their plan and wanting to fayote told the teacher everything.

In the following course, which spoke of the French economy, the professor judiciously put this sentence: "You know that despite a high unemployment rate, France still needs manpower ... We know, for example, that there is has a shortage of prostitutes in Paris ... "

At these words, the girls who decided the rebellion looked at each other, nodded and all got up at the same time to leave the room ... And the professor, observing them with an innocent air told them very well:
- Come on ladies, no need to hurry! The next plane for Paris does not take off until tonight ...

:wink:
keep hope !
Bastien Burlot 2014" special anniversary" n°1, Pappalardo 1982, Antonio Ruiz Lopez 1974, and other instruments ...;-)

VasquezBob
Posts: 104
Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2018 10:54 pm

Re: joke of the day

Post by VasquezBob » Sun Mar 24, 2019 9:27 pm

First mate runs to the captain and says, "we have 4 stow aways". The captain says, "How do you know it's four?" The first mate responds, "Because they're singing Sweet Adeline."

User avatar
Isabelle Frizac
Teacher
Posts: 1014
Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2012 7:28 am
Location: France ( région parisienne)

Re: joke of the day

Post by Isabelle Frizac » Wed Mar 27, 2019 7:50 am

An urgent desire

Two completely drunk female friends go home walking. Since they drank a lot, they are very eager to urinate. They pass a cemetery and one suggests that they could relieve themselves behind a tombstone.

The first who has nothing to wipe decides to leave her panties, use it for this purpose and then throw it.
Her friend who does not want to spoil her luxury underwear finds herself lucky to find a ribbon on a crown from the next grave and uses it to wipe herself off.

Then they go home.

The next day, the husband of the first phone to the husband of the second:
- We'll have to watch our women, mine came home without panties last night.
- It's nothing, said the other, mine came back with a card stuck between the buttocks saying:
"From all the guys in the fire brigade, we'll never forget you".

:wink:
keep hope !
Bastien Burlot 2014" special anniversary" n°1, Pappalardo 1982, Antonio Ruiz Lopez 1974, and other instruments ...;-)

Grestyman
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2019 8:33 am

Re: joke of the day

Post by Grestyman » Thu Mar 28, 2019 11:09 pm

I just had to take the dog I bought from the blacksmith back to his smithy. Wretched dog kept making a bolt for the door.

User avatar
Erik Zurcher
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 17097
Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2005 8:38 pm
Location: The Hague, Netherlands

Re: joke of the day

Post by Erik Zurcher » Tue Apr 02, 2019 9:28 pm

Dull, Scotland.
Dull_Boring.jpg
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Reedition Domingo Esteso by Conde Hermanos 2004; Kenny Hill, model Barcelona 2001
"While you try to master classical guitar, prepare for a slave's life: the guitar will forever be your master and you its slave".

User avatar
Erik Zurcher
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 17097
Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2005 8:38 pm
Location: The Hague, Netherlands

Re: joke of the day

Post by Erik Zurcher » Tue Apr 02, 2019 9:30 pm

dentist.jpg
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Reedition Domingo Esteso by Conde Hermanos 2004; Kenny Hill, model Barcelona 2001
"While you try to master classical guitar, prepare for a slave's life: the guitar will forever be your master and you its slave".

User avatar
Gorn
Posts: 396
Joined: Sat Oct 24, 2015 10:22 am
Location: São Miguel, Azores

Re: joke of the day

Post by Gorn » Wed Apr 03, 2019 12:10 pm

I put my right shoulder out of joint a few days ago and now have my right arm fixed in a sling. This is why I remembered this old joke, which I try to translate from German + Bavarian dialect to English language (typing with my left hand only):

A one-armed man rings the doorbell of a well-to-do elderly lady. She opens the door and he says:
"Madam, you ordered the piano movers?"
"Yes, but errr, um, I estimate, this might not work properly"
"Why not?"
"Good man, I cannot avoid to to notice that you have only one arm."
"So what... or do you have two pianos?!"

User avatar
chuckinphoenix
Posts: 462
Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2006 10:50 pm
Location: New River, AZ

Re: joke of the day

Post by chuckinphoenix » Wed Apr 03, 2019 2:27 pm

My girlfriend broke up with me so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back.....
If you ain't the lead dog the scenery never changes.

User avatar
Vito Simplicio
Composer
Posts: 14134
Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2006 2:39 am
Location: Maricopa, Arizona - USA

Re: joke of the day

Post by Vito Simplicio » Wed Apr 03, 2019 5:43 pm

Erik Zurcher wrote:
Tue Apr 02, 2019 9:28 pm
Dull, Scotland.
Dull_Boring.jpg
Dull and Boring, sister cities. A relationship made in heaven. :lol:
( vitO )===:::

Oberg (2008)
Takamine C136S (1977)

Classical Guitar Forum

User avatar
Erik Zurcher
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 17097
Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2005 8:38 pm
Location: The Hague, Netherlands

Re: joke of the day

Post by Erik Zurcher » Wed Apr 03, 2019 9:31 pm

baroque vibrato.jpg
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Reedition Domingo Esteso by Conde Hermanos 2004; Kenny Hill, model Barcelona 2001
"While you try to master classical guitar, prepare for a slave's life: the guitar will forever be your master and you its slave".

quavers
Posts: 90
Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2016 10:39 pm

Re: joke of the day

Post by quavers » Fri Apr 12, 2019 12:18 am

Because cheap trills are no longer enough.

Gruupi
Posts: 1199
Joined: Mon Jul 09, 2007 12:11 am
Location: Dallas, TX

Re: joke of the day

Post by Gruupi » Thu Apr 25, 2019 12:10 am

Sitting at work working on an important email.
Girl comes in and starts talking to the other girl I share and office with.
I look up and they both glaring at me.

"What?" I say.
"We asked you a question"
"Sorry, I wasn't listening"
"Typical of men, not listening".
"Well, typical of women talking while men are typing".
"Men talk when women are typing too ".
Me "And that's the way it should be"
That's when the fight began.

True story except for the fight part :)

User avatar
Isabelle Frizac
Teacher
Posts: 1014
Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2012 7:28 am
Location: France ( région parisienne)

Re: joke of the day

Post by Isabelle Frizac » Thu Apr 25, 2019 6:15 pm

Who should be chief?

When the human body was created, all parties wanted to be a leader.

The brain said: "Since I command everything and think for everyone, I should be the leader."

The feet said, "Since we carry the body where it wants it and so we can do what the brain thinks we should be chief."

The hands said, "Since we do all the work and earn money to maintain the whole body, we should be chief."

And so on for the heart, the eyes, the ears and the lungs. Finally, the a**hole was heard and asked to be chosen as a chef. The other parts of the body burst out laughing at the idea that an *** could be chief.

The *** got angry and refused to work.

Soon the brain became feverish, the eyes glazed, the feet were too weak to walk, the hands hung limply, and the heart and lungs struggled to survive.

So all begged the brain to let it bend and allow the *** to be a leader.

So was done.

All the other parts of the body were doing the work, while the *** was leading everybody and dealing mainly with ****, like any leader worthy of the title.

MORALITY:

There is no need to be a brain to become a leader; an *** is much more likely. Look around you and you will be convinced.

:bye:
keep hope !
Bastien Burlot 2014" special anniversary" n°1, Pappalardo 1982, Antonio Ruiz Lopez 1974, and other instruments ...;-)

simonm
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 9060
Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2009 10:22 am
Location: Spain, IB

Re: joke of the day

Post by simonm » Tue May 14, 2019 8:08 pm

A woman goes to the doctor:

Lady: Doctor, I can't seem to stop singing "The green, green grass of home."

Doctor: Looks like you've got Tom Jones syndrome."

Lady: Is it a common disease?

Doctor: It's not unusual.

Return to “The Café”