joke of the day

Talk about things that are not necessarily related to music or the guitar.
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pogmoor
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Re: joke of the day

Post by pogmoor » Sat Aug 10, 2019 2:23 pm

A man visits a funfair and amongst the merry-go-rounds, vendors and performers he spots a man with a tiny pony.

He walks up to the man and asks: "What does the pony do?"

"For a dollar the pony can do pretty much any trick you ask of it" the man replies.

"That's cool" the guy says and proceeds to take out his wallet, retrieve a dollar bill and puts it in the jar next to the pony.

He extends his hand and says "Shake!" The pony promptly performs the trick.

The man produces another dollar. "Play dead!" The pony collapses to the ground, then gets up after a little while.

"How about a tougher one?" the man says and puts another dollar in the jar. "What's eleven minus five?" The pony stomps with a hoof six times.

"This is incredible" he exclaims. The guy continues to add dollar after dollar to the jar while the pony performs every trick or task without a fault. After a while the guy runs out of single dollar bills and turns to the man and says: "Sir, that is one incredible animal you have there, is there anything it can't do?"

"He can't sing" the man replies.

The guy considers this for a bit. "Why can't he sing?” the guy asks.

The man looks him in the eye. "He's a little horse."
Eric from GuitarLoot
Renaissance and Baroque freak; classical guitars by Lester Backshall (2008), Ramirez (Guitarra del Tiempo 2017),
Yamaha (SLG 130NW silent classical guitar 2014).

RobMacKillop
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Re: joke of the day

Post by RobMacKillop » Sat Aug 10, 2019 2:41 pm

Here's a joke. Great Britain. :ouioui:

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Mark Clifton-Gaultier
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Mark Clifton-Gaultier » Sat Aug 10, 2019 2:47 pm

RobMacKillop wrote:Here's a joke. Great Britain.
When you guys go independent I'm emigrating in your direction ... who's laughing now?

RobMacKillop
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Re: joke of the day

Post by RobMacKillop » Sat Aug 10, 2019 2:48 pm

We'll lock the door and throw away the key 😂

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Mark Clifton-Gaultier
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Mark Clifton-Gaultier » Sat Aug 10, 2019 3:07 pm

Ye hairtless auld bawbag.

RobMacKillop
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Re: joke of the day

Post by RobMacKillop » Sat Aug 10, 2019 3:08 pm

😁

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Erik Zurcher
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Erik Zurcher » Sat Aug 10, 2019 7:38 pm

I hate all these self-acclaimed intellectuals who pretend to know all about Mozart without ever seen one of his paintings!
Reedition Domingo Esteso by Conde Hermanos 2004; Kenny Hill, model Barcelona 2001
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simonm
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Re: joke of the day

Post by simonm » Mon Aug 12, 2019 11:49 am

Erik Zurcher wrote:
Sat Aug 10, 2019 7:38 pm
I hate all these self-acclaimed intellectuals who pretend to know all about Mozart without ever seen one of his paintings!
Yeah. Like George Washington used to say, you shouldn't believe everything you see on the internet.

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Isabelle Frizac
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Isabelle Frizac » Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:59 am

The celibacy test

These are three young candidates for the priesthood. The bishop traveled specially to the seminary to give them a last test: The famous test of celibacy.

The bishop leads the three candidates into a room, and asks them to undress. Then he asks everyone to attach a little bell at the end of their intimate part by means of a thin string.

When everyone is ready, a beautiful girl enters the room and stands before the first candidate. She starts a torrid striptease ... and we hear "Tingingling"

The bishop then speaks:
- Patrick, I'm really sorry for you, but your lack of self-control plays tricks on you. Take your clothes and run for a cold shower. You will take the opportunity to pray and meditate on your carnal weakness.

Meanwhile, the girl who stood in front of the second candidate continued her striptease. Arriving at the panties, we hear ... "Tingingling"

The bishop then speaks again:
- Joseph, you either, you are not able to restrain your carnal impulses. A cold shower and prayers for you too.

And the second candidate leaves the room. At this moment, the girl is already naked, dancing and taking increasingly suggestive attitudes to the third candidate ... But nothing. Even if she is rubbing against the body of the ephebe. But no reaction ...

The bishop is very satisfied and he says:
- Michael, my son, I'm really proud of you. You are the only one to have had enough strength of character not to be let go to your carnal impulses. You will become a priest very quickly. Now you can go join your two companions in the shower ...... "Tingingling" ...

:P
keep hope !
Bastien Burlot 2014" special anniversary" n°1, Pappalardo 1982, Antonio Ruiz Lopez 1974, and other instruments ...;-)

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Isabelle Frizac
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Isabelle Frizac » Fri Aug 16, 2019 7:55 am

In the delivery room

A midwife takes care of a woman who is expecting twins.
The first baby is coming out, he's a beautiful boy. A slap on the buttocks and he utters a loud cry.

But the second baby is slow to go out. An hour passes, two hours ...

The midwife tells the midwife that he is going to eat and to call him when there is something new.
As soon as he is gone, the midwife hears:

- psssst! psssssst!

She sees a small hand that passes between the legs of the patient and that signals to him to come. She approaches the woman and then sees a small head pointing to the hole:

- Say he left the gentleman who spanks?

:D
keep hope !
Bastien Burlot 2014" special anniversary" n°1, Pappalardo 1982, Antonio Ruiz Lopez 1974, and other instruments ...;-)

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David Gutowski
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Re: joke of the day

Post by David Gutowski » Mon Aug 26, 2019 6:11 am

A most amazing development. My old computer that I had since 2011 (HP) cracked the hinge and then the whole side support so I ordered another one. This new computer has more than "all the bells and whistles." Where has it been all my life...and it's kind of scary. Not sure I'm ready for it.

To make a long story short, I noticed a small icon that looks like a mike. So, I swallowed my pride or something and asked my older granddaughter what it was for. She happily showed me and got it all hooked up. I can now "talk" to my computer and it talks back to me. I had some problems getting it to respond in the beginning so I called it a dirty name and was amazingly surprised when it said: "Please don't call me that!" Imagine, a virtual electronic voice telling me to be polite. But, we worked it out and now I'm treating her with respect, especially after I noticed she is smarter than I am. Actually, a lot smarter. OMG I'm in love. Again. With another woman!

So I asked her to play some classical guitar music and got a notice I would have to sign up for a music service first. Then I asked her to tell me a joke. She said:" do you want to hear a dog joke?" I said, "sure." No response. Then I discovered you have to specifically call her by name then put in the request for a dog joke. I almost called her the bad name again but thought better of it. I complied and called her by her stupid name.

Here's the joke she told me:" Why do dogs like to stay in the shade"? Because they don't want to be a hot dog."

You guessed it, I did call her that name again and got the same message.


Guitralchemist,
Dave
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quavers
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Re: joke of the day

Post by quavers » Sun Sep 01, 2019 4:46 pm

You're a pun slinger, no doubt.

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Mark Clifton-Gaultier
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Mark Clifton-Gaultier » Sat Sep 07, 2019 5:28 pm

Prompted by a recent thread: When a person decamps from this forum do they get the L out of here?

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martinardo
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Re: joke of the day

Post by martinardo » Sat Sep 07, 2019 11:15 pm

:lol: Very good, Mark !
I'm pink therefore I'm Spam

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David Gutowski
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Re: joke of the day

Post by David Gutowski » Sun Sep 15, 2019 7:50 am

I realize I'll never return to my original weight.

7.2 oz. is not realistic.
3 hard things for humans: dentist visit, public speaking, offering forgiveness.

Muse: chg pitch measure rhym feel tempo improvise melody harmonize arpeggios stucco your legato & practice

Carrillo Concert
Yulong Chamber '17
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